Its review time again gents.
Hopefully I’m not stealing anyone’s thunder this week, I have a few moments to myself while I power through this ruby red grapefruit at my desk. I need something to take my mind of the sour bitterness that is this fruit. Last week Shibbs chose Cat’s Eye, a collection of three Stephen King short stories that are presented in movie form with the only thing tying them together is a random stray cat who is eventually named General.
This movie was pretty well made and wasn’t overtly cheesy. It was packed with some pretty sadistic humor which is always welcome. The story begins with the Quitters, Inc. story arch. May god be with you if you have a bad habit you need kicked because this establishment doesn’t play. In order to get Dick to quit cigarettes they lay out a simple plan. They take General the cat, use him as a guinea pig and throw him in an electro shock chamber then turn on the juice to demonstrate what will happen to Dick’s wife should he be caught smoking cigarettes. On his second offense they’ll throw his daughter with Down Syndrome in the chamber, third offense his wife will be raped, and then on the fourth infraction Quitters, Inc. will simply stop “helping” him as he’s clearly a lost cause. Thankfully Dick only slips up once and after being subjected to watching his wife tap-dance in the electro shock chamber he rightfully brings a beat down to the head of Quitters, Inc., which I would assume would render his contract null and void. During the scuffle General the cat escapes the torturous establishment and brings us to our next phase in the story.
You flying shit house!!!
Someone
The second story arch revolves around Ted Striker having an affair with the wife of a crime boss who is a betting man and owns a casino. The crime boss takes ownership of General the cat after sadistically betting one of his henchmen whether the cat could or couldn’t safely navigate across a busy street. The crime boss places a bet with Ted Striker after letting him know he’s aware of him dicking down his wife. If Ted can navigate the narrow ledge outside of the crime boss’s swanky penthouse, then he’ll let him have his wife. If Ted refuses then he’ll call the cops and tip them off to the drugs planted in Ted’s car. Ted takes the bet as the crime boss’s wife’s poonany must be made of sheer gold, and is then subject all sorts of distractions like a horn, a fire hose and a pesky ankle pecking pigeon. He powers through and wins the bet, when claiming his prize it is revealed that the wife has been murdered as Ted is presented with her severed head. This throws Mr. Striker into a fit of rage and he forces his nemesis to walk the ledge where he eventually fails and plummets to his death. He comically lands on the distraction horn from before that is resting on the sidewalk below and an audible toot is heard with the subsequent splat of his body. With that ending General the cat is free from his crime boss owner and hops a freight train to be united with his final owner, baby Drew Barrymore.
Much to baby Drew Barrymore’s mother’s chagrin, she welcomes General into their home and gives him his namesake. Baby Drew is the only one who cares about the cat, as her mother thinks he’s vermin and will surely kill her prized parakeet. After an allegedly poisoned tasty meal of Goat & Tuna that no stray tomcat can resist, General ends up saving baby Drew from the demon troll that enters her room at night to attempt to suck the life out of her while she sleeps. Now General is finally revealed to be the single most heroic cat that the Universe itself revolves around. And in true cat fashion, upon realizing this, he sneaks into the parents room to a sleeping family including baby Drew on night and showers her with cat shit laden paws and sand paper tongue kisses of affection.
THE END
Solid pick last week Shibbs, this is one that I’d watch again for sure. This week is Goins’s pick, transferring to the elusive Dan or one of the Bill’s if need be. Sorry to say I’m out this week as I’ll be down in SC with my family and will most likely be busy at start time either playing spades or eating chitlin’s.
Enjoy without me, I should be back next week.
-Qaadir Antwine
Cat's Eye (also known as Stephen King's Cat's Eye) is a 1985 American anthology horror thriller film directed by Lewis Teague and written by Stephen King. It comprises three stories, "Quitters, Inc.", "The Ledge", and "General". The first two are adaptations of short stories in King's 1978 Night Shift collection, and the third is unique to the film. The three stories are connected only by the presence of a traveling cat, which plays an incidental role in the first two and is a major character of the third.
Its cast includes Drew Barrymore, James Woods, Alan King, Robert Hays and Candy Clark.
source: wikipedia
