#78 – Life Force

Movie Naked Vampires, 

Another Cannon masterpiece of 1980’s schlock. This movie is a little bit of everything, star wars, alien, zombies, vampires, poltergeist, young patrick stewart, BEWBS, loads of SWEET BEWBS.  What started out as an attempt to screenshot all these sweet boobs turned into me trying to explain in image form why these people were screaming at each others faces and then running around London. 

Recap.

 So we’ve discovered some kind of alien thing in space. Earth sends out the ESA to investigate, they slowly float their very average space suits through this literal alien vagina structure. Slowly. very slowly. They find a bunch of gross giant bat things and are like hey check these out. Then they slowly float into another room where they find that Gereral Zod has been trapped in the forbidden zone… except with boobies… and two other dudes. 

They are very excited about this development and box all three up in the ESA space shuttle. but on the way back something happens, so the good old USA space shuttle has to rescue them. but they dead, and the glass cases these naked people are in are fine. They take them back to london? and are about to cut her open, when she wakes up and starts seducing guards and sucking… the life out of them. Then she basically uses the power of her amazing chesticals to SLOWLY walk out of the building. She’s like 100 feet away walking at a slow pace and they literally give up chasing her. meh, never gonna get her.

And that’s the last time I totally understood the plot. (about 30 minutes in)

so… here’s a mess that I pieced together from the HDTGM podcast and the wikipedia entry (which is also confusing)
At some point they find an escape pod from the first ESA shuttle. The captain of the shuttle seems to have some kind of psychic link with the female space vampire, cause love? sex? So they somehow trace her to a hospital that Young Patrick Stewart (YPS) works in. At some point YPS is taken over by the Space vampire and we get a great scene where out hero yells at YPS and then starts seeing the pretty lady and starts making out with her. 

so in the meantime naked Tomax and Xamot are absolutely wrecking London with their vampire virus. There’s people running in the streets and electojuicing everyone. They come back in a helicopter with a possessed Capt Picard? and then she oozes blood out of Picard’s face and reforms as a naked blood covered Mathilda May? I don’t know honestly… I’m pretty sure that happened. So they get to London and She’s inside a big church blasting dead souls back to her Klingon Mothership. Our hero gets all naked with her and in a self sacrifice stabs through himself to get to her. They ascend the pillar of light to the mothership.

London in ruins and SO MANY BODIES IN THE STREETS.

then they get away? there’s some blue light, I think they get away. 

those were some nice tarts, was that Professor X?

someone who didnt see the movie

thoughts.

• space is upside down? always!
• this movie is so slow
• why do they just yell at eachother
• what the hell is goin on?
• how is this so long. 
• wtf
• the zomb-pires blowing up to dust is hilarious. 
• Boatloads of screenshots, but it’s a wild ride… worth it. 

facts. 

• based on Colin Wilson‘s 1976 novel The Space Vampires. lol
• Tobe Hooper Died on Sunday. http://io9.gizmodo.com/the-texas-chainsaw-massacre-director-tobe-hooper-dies-a-1798474919
• we all need this poster http://www.marcoscaldas.com.br/pd-31b839-poster-lifeforce.html
• http://www.slashfilm.com/lifeforce-oral-history/3/

Accurate https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VSwCONFDmI

-Mark