Movie Wrestlers,
This week we had a great turnout, unfortunately that turnout was for the 1989 Classic ‘No Holds Barred’. I actually had been wanting to see it, I’m sure I had to have seen it sometime during my childhood as my cousins were huge WWF fans.
Recap!
Hulk Hogan stars as Hulk Hogan Ripoff “Rip” “No last name” the greatest wrestler and all around entertainment icon. He is under contract with a big TV network and seemingly pulling in the big bucks. We’re talking marble floors, nice cars and an incredible spandex clothing collection. The top executive at the rival WORLD TELEVISION NETWORK is driven mad by not having Rip on his network. He’s willing to do anything! Bribery! Rape! Murder! Classic 80’s executive stuff. He makes Rip an offer, but he’s bound by his contract. Also Rip stuffs the check in his mouth, so they try to kill? Him in some sort of amazing limo chase. In the end Rip hulks through the roof, clobbers a bunch of jabronis and makes the driver shit himself in pure liquid fear. DOOOOKIE!
I’m not quite sure how they get to this next plot point, but the executive team of WTN go to the worlds grossest dive bar and witness one fat hillbilly after another fight in some kind of toughman contest. Somehow they decide that this will be the thing that puts WTN back on top? so they bring in cameras and decide to give the winner 100K in prize money. They call this masterpiece ‘Battle of the Tough Guys’ which sounds like a 5 year old made it up.
This brings ZUES into the picture. He swaggers his one weird eye and monobrow into the competition and just mangles all the fat white guys. It’s a hit? somehow this is the highest rated thing on TV, I think it was Charlie who accurately described this as a prequel to The Running Man.
Rip has set his sights on seducing his new manager from the network (the smoking hot Joan Severance) he takes her to a local diner where he has to stop a robbery by throwing pies… damn that really happened. Then they have to sleep in one hotel room because of COMICAL MISUNDERSTANDINGS. We see he in the frilliest 80’s silk lingerie and we see a greased up Hulk doing push ups in what is ALMOST A THONG.
It’s almost impossible to describe all the plot in this movie. Because unlike most movie night films, THIS ONE HAS TOO MUCH PLOT!
I’m going to catch up with some rapid fire.
- Joan Severance is a plant from the WTN
- Rip does some charity work FOR THE CHILDREN
- Zeus trains
- Rips brother tries to go to a taping of ‘BATTLE OF THE TOUGH GUYS’ and is beaten and almost paralyzed
- Hulk wears his formal black and white spandex to the hospital
- He wears his blue zubaz pants to the rehab
- He AGREES TO FIGHT Zeus. ‘Cause in this world WRESTLING IS REAL.
- Also Joan Severence is kidnapped and nearly raped, forcing Rip to take a dive.
In the final fight a metal shirt walks into the ring wearing Zeus inside it. Zeus is able to overpower the shirt and the fight begins. It’s all sweaty shaking faces and overhand chops! Rip looks beaten, but then they find his girl and he gets the eye of the tiger and takes out Zeus from the top rope. The TV exec also gets it in the end, but not by the hands of Rip (he’s a gentleman)
“Come on Hulk, look more angry…. More spittle, more face shaking, more grrrrr!! Yeah that’s it, get thirty seconds of that on camera!!!”
Chris
Overall not a bad choice, The gross bar was my favorite part… and of course the DOOKIE.
I Highly Highly recommend listening to this podcast if you have watched the movie.
Official Shirts available at RedBubble
Tune in Next week. I think possibly Goins pick next week if he wants it.
-Mark
No Holds Barred is a 1989 action film produced by Michael Rachmil, directed by Thomas J. Wright, written by Dennis Hackin and starring professional wrestler Hulk Hogan (who is billed as executive producer alongside Vince McMahon). It is owned by WWE under a "Shane Distribution Company" copyright and was released by New Line Cinema on June 2, 1989, as an attempt to boost Hogan's acting career seven years after his appearance in Rocky III.
source : wikipedia