Movie Aliens,
So Cote gave 3 choices last night. But it turns out that Even “The Internet” is not interested in pirating “Mil Mascaras and the Aztec Mummy”. So we tried “One Cut of the Dead” which despite being released in 2017 in Japan, hasn’t been released online yet. So third Choice, “Anna and the Apocalypse” which is being released outside of film festivals November 30, 2018… so WILD CARD… we go back to THE LIST and choose a long ‘almost choice’ ‘GALAXY OF TERROR’!
This movie was weird, weird in that bad way that makes you question all the choices the film makers made. The set design and creature effects were pretty good for the 80’s (thanks James Cameron) but it had that classic 80s thing of “OH MY GOD THIS MOVIE IS SO SLOW”
anyway. Lets see if I can remember the plot.
Recap.
In the first couple minutes there’s some creepy old lady and a guy with a red glowing face. and you’re not really paying attention, because this will clearly all be recapped later right? Nope, this is super important, but never mentioned again.
So… Smash cut to a spaceship heading out on a rescue mission. There are so many switches to flip, you go switch flippers! Flip that switch! We are introduced to the crew of the ship, who all have weird FUTURE NAMES, like Baylon. Fucking Baylon. They are all played by actors that you know from something… but scanning the IMDB doesn’t help. Also Freddie Kruger is one of them.
Even though I think they are actually going to the planet anyway. They are pulled out of hyperjump by a mysterious force. They try to avoid the planet, but they cant. In a hilarious choice the pilot just kind of throws up her hands and says “Oh well i guess we’re gonna crash into this planet” but then she takes the other guys idea of the landing rockets and they don’t die! good choice.
Once on the planet they look for the other crashed ship, they find it near a giant Alien pyramid. They do the classic searching through a crashed alien ship thing. All while being watched by some kind of alien cockroach. The scared rookie is scared. The bald tough guy had some kind of hilarious crystal kung fu weapons. In an interesting choice for a movie like this they are very liberal with the laser shooting and their lasers destroy the bodies of the other spaceship crew. very tidy cleanup. The scared rookie is brutally murdered by the alien cockroach, the crew isn’t that affected by this and just keep on livin’.
They decide that the only way off the planet is to go into the alien pyramid and figure out what kind of FORCE is keeping them there. So they set out on a hike with some super useful lighted backpacks and lower the commander into the top of the pyramid… with a rope. A SPACE ROPE. The commander, (one day away from retirement) is killed by some wall tentacles and never makes it. Luckily they sent Baldy Beardy around back to find another entrance.
I don’t remember how, but a little metal thing stabs him in the arm and crawls right in there. He does the Evil Dead move and cuts his own arm off to stop it. But this devil arm isn’t having any of this and THROWS THE CRYSTAL GLAIVE AT HIM. Hitting him right in the chest!
I’m not sure if this happens back at the ship or in the pyramid. But the hot blond crew member is (eaten) by a super gross alien dick worm tentacle monster thing. I’ll let wikipedia describe it…
Roger Corman had promised financial backers of the movie a sex scene involving O’Connell, so he merged the two ideas together. His re-write of the scene had Dameia reacting in terror when confronting the 12-foot long creature, an “id monster” created from her own mind complete with tentacles, but having the terror give way to forced sexual arousal as the monster strips and rapes her. The re-written scene included full nudity and far more explicit sexual content, including simulated sexual intercourse, and ended with Dameia moaning provocatively, covered in excreted slime, and being driven to an orgasm so intense it kills her.
Ohhhhhh so that’s what happened.
At this point I think everybody is really starting to lose the plot, Bill and Bill and somehow dropped off the feed, never to return.
They decide to go back into the pyramid one last time. They are all faced with monsters that resemble their greatest fear. Freddie Kruger faces himself and is then squeezed to death. Low rent Tom Selleck is separated from his girlfriend and she dies… in some way… I’ve forgotten.
But they reach the center. It’s revealed that Ray Walston (Kore) has been the big bad glowing face guy the whole time. because… and hold on to your butts. This is a game that alien children played to help them face their greatest fears and by winning it he has become the master. Now how this MASTER is somehow in control of an intergalactic space fleet is never explained. But NOW… ‘FAKE TOM SELLECK is the MASTER’
Roll credits.
no really, just roll credits.
What do you mean we need to explain this more, there’s no more movie. Oh well just play it again, people will figure it out.
and somewhere in there Baylon died. Fuck you Baylon!
-Mark
Galaxy of Terror is a 1981 horror science fiction film produced by Roger Corman through New World Pictures and directed by Bruce D. Clark. It was distributed by United Artists. It stars Edward Albert, Erin Moran, Ray Walston and Taaffe O'Connell.
source : wikipedia