Movie Killbots,
Last week we rode a wave of 80’s nostalgia, guided by our overlords at ‘How Did This Get Made’ and watched ‘CHOPPING MALL’
recap.
Everything I write is going to feel like a recap of the podcast… but here we go.
For some reason this mall thought it was necessary to hire the security team from Ft Knox to protect a couple TCBYs and a carpet store. They have giant steel doors installed and patrol the place with 3 giant killbots, erm.. I mean protectors.. yes… protecting. Unfortunately mere minutes after being turned on they get stuck by lighting and turn on the scientist. Again, this is a mall, they need a security system that needs to be monitored by the scientists from Jurassic Park.
Good thing for everyone there isn’t a group of horny teens that are planning a kegger orgy in the furniture store on level 2. Why don’t they just go.. anywhere else! Cause they want to grease up a new couch with Natural Light and sex juice. For no real good reason they are all boning in the same room, I mean it’s a furniture store, so it seems like you’re watching a play on stage.. but no… you hear a woman have a screaming orgasm 10 feet to the left over there.
The douchbaggiest one ventures out of the store to get some ‘Virgin 100 cigarettes’ which is not a real brand even though they mention Camel Lights twice. he is pinched.. urrr… CHOPPED in the neck. When his date comes to find him, she is chased down and head ESPLODED by a laser in one of the best parts of the movie.
They send the women up into a vent to escape. The other three guys raid a sporting goods store for it’s supply of unlocked semi-automatic weapons and take out a robot relatively competently for a mechanic and 2 guys who work at a furniture store in the mall… ahh 1985. The women are all like , damn I think we need to have our own competing plan since these our guys are just a mechanic and 2 nerds that work in a furniture store in the mall. So they break into an auto parts store that somehow is selling full cans of gas. Their plan is to BURNINATE THE ROBUTS. They immediately fail and one of the girls BURNS ALIVE in front of them…I mean chopped, she saw chopped by fire.
The guys plan involves tricking the robot into an elevator and then causing it to fall by blowing up a propane tank on top. pretty solid plan. it works. Then the nerdy guy remembers that he was paying attention during the sales pitch about the master computer controlling the robots.
They have some kind of genius plan about distracting the robots with mannequins and then bouncing the lasers off or mirrors back at them. solid plan. But it all goes to shit, one of the girls dies and then her boyfriend crashes the most hilarious golf cart into the spinning electrified killbot and dies instantly. It’s my favorite part of the movie. seriously. +1 point for this alone.
The next 20 minutes are a blur of the two remaining teens running around avoiding the robots in pet stores, alleys, and hanging off the side of the railings. until the FINAL GIRL remembers that there’s a store that sells SUPER FLAMMABLE PAINT. Lures the robot in and BLAMMO!
game over.
thoughts.
- I miss malls guys.
- these sales people from the beginning never come back, they should have been punished
- even in the sales video, they ‘neutralize’ that guy real hard!
- wouldn’t those beefy security doors make these robots unnecessary?
- this is a fucking shopping mall, I’ve seen nuclear facilities with less technology.
- is there a waitress in the food court? have the writers ever been to a mall?
- the cook is wiping whole spatulas full of gravy on his shirt. multiple times.
- Everything anybody says is stupid.
- The complain how hot it is, but this girl never takes off her sweater in the vent.
- these loud ass robots sure can sneak up on people.
- everything this mall sells explodes
- everything the robots say is normal, detain the intruders, secure level 3, investigate. but then they kill on sight.
facts.
- You can find a lot of dumb expensive stuff on amazon for this movie signed spanish language poster, limited edition gold 45 record, deathstalker 2 and chopping mall double soundtrack (same composer)
- apparently when they changed the name from Killbots they cut 15 minutes from the movie. Which was probably just them saying Killbots over and over again.
- This was a dumb movie.
- apparently you can see other people walking around in the mall in the background.
looks like we might have low turnout for this week. it was Charlie’s pick, but he’s out. If Suleman shows up it’s his pick. Otherwise it might fall to the Combined Bills
-Mark
Chopping Mall (originally released as Killbots) is a 1986 American science-fiction comedy horror film co-written and directed by Jim Wynorski, produced by Julie Corman, and starring Kelli Maroney, Tony O'Dell, John Terlesky, and Russell Todd. The story focuses on three security robots turning maniacal, and killing teenage employees inside a shopping mall after dark.