2D Movie Night

Gents, We had 8 people online last week, a new record. If you missed last week, may god have mercy on your boners. Because we watched…HARD TICKET TO HAWAII! A great great movie that had skateboarding ninja assassins, titties, 4 barrel rocket launchers, titties, high wasted pants, titties, remote control helicopters smuggling diamonds, titties, and don’t forget cancer ridden super snakes… and titties. It really did open up a whole new world of movies for us to watch, soft core action pornos. It’s Chris Johnson’s turn to pick this week. I don’t know if I’ll be able to host since I’m in Dallas right now. But I’m sure we can find someone to host it. I’ll check in for sure. 

NINE TIMES!I just want to start out by saying I can’t believe we’re actually still doing this. It’s been fun and we’re finally watching all these terrible movies that have been on my list forever. I appreciate your dedication. I want to get some new people in here too. I mean this email goes out to like 15 people. They must be wondering what is going on. Recap:Last week we watched Miami Connection. A movie that on the surface has everything it needs to qualify as an awesome 80’s movie. Jammin’ soundtrack, check. Out of control mullets, check. Ninjas, check. Bewbs, check?  Unfortunately, It’s like all the crew and stunt guys showed up but they forgot to tell the actors, then just recast the rest of the roles with real bikers and people off the street. I’ll try to summarize the plot of this movie in one sentence. A group of tae-know-do practicing orphans grows up

Continue reading#8 – Miami Connection

Gentlemen, Last week some of us watched a movie that on the surface seemed so exciting. A sorcerer played by Bull from Night Court traps a computer scientist from 1985 and makes him pass 7 tests before he will let him go? or die himself? I’m already confused. Well it turns out that most of these tests are simply solved by pressing the pew pew laser button on his magical computer wrist band. And one of the tests was literally going to a WASP concert. The movie was saved a little by extended aerobics sequences and some PG-13 80’s nudity. 

What happened last week? Oh yeah we watched ‘PETEY WHEATSTRAW!’Just in case you ever got that theme song out of your head.  It’s back! A movie that I thought was going in a weird direction for the first 30 minutes. What with all the women and children being murdered. We also learned that while the Devil looks like a grey haired old hermit, his human form has nice jogging form and a powerful pimp cane game. Bullhorn from Black Dynamite now makes so much more sense to me. When you dole out street knowledge you gotta rhyme, so suckas know the time! The devil knows what’s up and will also give you full run of the devil bitches before you marry his daughter… for real, this movie was nuts. PETEY WHEATSTRAW!

OH HAI GUYS! So we did it last week, we watched the oscar nominated movie Room… Wait, what’s that? We did not? Oh, thats right, we watched THE Room. Which was predictably amazing in it’s terrible dialog and ‘alien in a human suit’ acting in which there is a 20 minute stretch to start the film that has 3 unforgettable sex scenes. and important plot points like “I HAVE CANCER” and “MY BROTHER WANTS ME TO SELL THE HOUSE” that are so very important to the plot… Trust me this movie only gets better with more watches. 

Gentlemen,It’s that time again. That time of the week when your inbox gets flooded with emails about shitty movies and pork chop sandwiches. We had a great turn out last week, I think at one point we had 7 people online. Unfortunately they turned out for… Manborg.

Last week Chris J picked “Moving Violations” from 1983, a movie that would have been much better if I was 10 years old. We learned that putting the brothers of famous actors (Bill Murray, Stacy Keach) together in a movie will not make that movie good. Also for a movie that featured a man and woman running around in bondage gear for 20 minutes there was a suspicious lack of nudity. Having 2 stop motion shirts fuck each other was not a replacement. 

Just to recap, we watched a ‘terrible’ movie last week that was a perfect choice for this. Q picked “Superfights” from 1995. It was amazing, out of control roid rage, out of control muscle women, and out of control plot holes. Throw in some awesome 90’s zubaz and a sprinkle of mystical asian rascism and you’ve got a great bad movie and a killer theme song that you will never get out of your head… SUPERFIGHTERS!

We should have watched Team America… but we didn’t Besides a hilarious dip into a few minutes of hardcore internet pornography, we mostly watched the glorious 2006 80’s themed SNL reunion throwback “Totally Awesome”. Research it yourself for all the hot ‘Joe Dirt’ chicks and google Dominique Swain for a surprising amount of hot early 2000’s modeling pictures. also, DANCING IS MY LIFE.